Pink is the color of Wrath

I don’t know what to say.

I’m in some internet café in manila, between classes, trying to figure out, what I want to say.

Why can’t I say it out loud? Or maybe the real question is, what is it really that I want people to hear? What is it that I want to tell you?

Three words: I hate you.

I hate you because of your lies. I hate you because of the flowers and the touching messages. I hate you because of your calls and the time you spent talking to me about useless and nonsensical stuffs. I hate you because you promised to make one of my dreams come true – to sing. I hate you because you made me believe you were true.

And so there.

But why do I still feel like screaming my lungs out?

I know why. It’s because you can’t hear me and you’ll never know how much you’ve hurt me. You’ll never realize the repercussions of what you’ve done to my self-perception. You’ll never know of the feelings I’m suppressing right now. You’ll never know and you’ll never understand. You know why? Because you’re selfish! Because you’re insensitive! Because you’re cruel!

I will hate you until the sky turns to pink. I will hate you until the sun stops shining. I will hate you until there are no more mangoes in the world. I will hate you until the world stops appreciating music. I will hate you until time stops. I will hate you until hate becomes an obsolete concept. I will hate you forever.

And so there.

Again, I don’t know what to say.

I just wish I said enough, just enough to make me live through this day, just one more day, just one more.

I wish I’ve said enough to make me last another day.