angst...angst...angst...(the german word for agony?!?)

just one of those files I saved in my laptop...should've posted this months ago...


The biggest irony in the nature of man is the fact that he constantly longs for everything to fall into place…and when everything is, he’s still not contented.

For almost three years now, I have been a rebel. The unchangeable fact about my dad’s extra-marital affairs crushed me so much, I have never been the same since that day I have confirmed that the little hunch I had of his womanizing turned out to be not so little after all. My favorite guy in the whole world…gone…just like that.

I kept telling myself that now that he’s gone, no one’s gunna hurt my family anymore. Nobody can hurt me any longer. But it didn’t turn out that way. He’s there, happy now and I’m here…still a rebel.

I ask myself, a rebel to what? Everything’s falling into place now. I’m doing great in my studies. I have the best boyfriend in the world. My siblings and I never had better relationship than what we have now. What more is there that I don’t have now?

It’s been three years since that day I lost my dad and yet I’m still here on the same ground…rebelling…rebelling till it hurts…rebelling till I exhaust myself…rebelling till I unlearn the art of feeling…rebelling against myself.

*tears*