rEwInD

long overdue blogs...i have them all in my laptop...never had the time to post them...it's 3:28 am and i'm still up...got nothing to do so here...hmm...this, is gunna be one hella long blog...

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>>>Cold World (10/23/2006)<<<

What’s the worse feeling in the world?

For me, it’s having the colds. I hate having colds. If I have them, it’s instant fever for me…instant coughing and sneezing all the time…instant reminders to self that I have to breathe through my mouth because I’d die if I won’t…and instant realizations that I can’t hide it from anybody…even from myself. No matter how I convince myself that I’m perfectly fine today…nothing will change the fact that my nose is not working well…and that I’m sick…and nobody’s here to take care of me.

What could be worse than having your nose all red with your body temperature going up and down every hour with just you to take care of you?

Maybe that’s why they call it the colds…coz when you have them, you suddenly realize how cold everything else is.

Hmmm…makes me wanna write a song… “this world’s cold when you’ve got the colds…everybody knows that you have ‘em but nobody cares if you got’ em…the world is cold…he’s not coming..he’s as cold as colds.”

Oh I hope I get well soon.


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>>>Discussion Part 1 (10/26/06, 10:20 pm)<<<

Simone approaches co-worker.

Simone: It irritates me when people ask, “why don’t you…”, “why can’t you…” questions? It somehow makes me want to scream, tell those people out loud, can’t you think of anything else to do than to pester me with that question?I don’t…because I just don’t…I can’t because I just can’t. The answer to that question is the question itself. What in that is so hard to understand?

Co-worker smiles.

Co-worker: Right. What in that is so hard to understand? So if the question is “why can’t you”..your answer will be “because you can’t”. And if you’re asked, why don’t you..then perhaps you’re answer yould be…

Simone batts in.

Simone: Because I just don’t.

Co-worker’s unconvinced.

Co-worker: Don’t you really? Why don’t you eat that cake there? Because you just don’t? You don’t eat cake? Common Simone. You don’t eat that cake now not because you just don’t eat cake but because you don’t want to eat it. You do eat cake…you just don’t want to eat cake.

Simone being slow.

S: And so? I don’t want to eat it, big deal.

Co-worker smiles.

C: It’s not you can’t because you just can’t and you don’t because you just don’t. It’s you can’t and you don’t because you don’t want to.Tell me, why can’t you let go? Why don’t you let go?

Simone not agreeing.

S: Yeah right? Because I don’t want to? Common, you know me better than that.

Co-worker: So you want to let go?

Simone: Yes.

Co-worker: Then why don’t you?

Simone pauses.

S: Because wanting to do something isn’t enough reason to do it.

C: There you go…you finally answered it right.

Simone realized something…gets pissed off…went to the computer and made a blog.

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>>>Discussion Part 2 (10/27/06, 2:5 am)<<<

Simone pissed.

Why would I give in to you?

If you really want me to let go…then why don’t you give me a better reason to do so.

You think avoiding conversation is enough reason for me to forget? Well I think I proved you wrong.

Is that the best you could do?

Fuck it.

Simone mellowed down.

If you want me to let go, just say it. Give me the real reason why you want me to do so. Talk to me. Tell me why I should just forget.

I want to let go too. But wanting it isn’t enough push for me to do it. I need you to help me. Help me let you go.

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>>>Saturday Night Fever (10/23/06, 2:15 am)<<<

Last Saturday night was selfishly fun.

Well, as most of you might probably know already, my phone gave up on me after my loyalty to it for more than 3 years. I guess this guy was right when he said I should sell it already before it starts getting gay. But okay, I really have this thing on loyalty and sentimental value. So there, I am now officially without a phone and officially loving it. Weeee! Nope, not buying one anytime soon. I’m even thinking of not buying one ever again. Hahaha.

And umm..of course, no internet access for me for quite some time now. I’ve been assigned to our company’s other building where internet access is scarce. It doesn’t really matter anyway right? My internet days are over.

And so umm…where was I? oh yeah, Saturday night.

Well, with no means of connection to the outside world, and of course with my housemate out partying somewhere, I spent the night in my room full of clutter with my favorite cake in a platter, lots of chips and other junk food, cold iced tea and of course, my latest addiction…this bisexual-inspired television series called Queer as folk. It was really fun. I borrowed the DVD from my housemate…well umm..i didn’t actually ask permission, I just took it from his drawers. Hahaha...it was somewhat of a liberating experience..not that im naïve or anything, but watching it made me realize that there are really lots of things happening these days that not all of us are aware of. I for example didn’t know that bisexualism is already that big, big enough to make a series out of it. I throught of a couple of guys that I knew and at the end of my tv series marathon for the night, I finally concluded…they’re gay.

Ok so I started watching it 8pm. The next thing I knew, I looked out the window and saw the sun. I literally spent the whole night watching the stories of these cute gay guys. I turned off the laptop half past 6 and slept with a tummy full of junk food, a brain full of bisexual imageries and with the lovely thought that the past night was all for me.

I should slack off more. Hahaha…there…I’m laughing.