...

She was there and you were right beside me. I saw her looking at you and in a heartbeat - women's intuition- I looked if you were were looking at her too. It was right there and thenwhen I saw my nemesis. It was directly at me, mocking me, telling me I was helpless. My heart started to break down in pieces. I suddenly fell short of breath. I wanted to scream. But the nemesis stopped me. It was all so clear what it was trying to say - "You can cry, shout and beg for me to go away, but I won't. I am inevitable."

It was clear that I'll lose if I battle against it. So I didn't, or at least, I tried not to. I faked a smile, tried to make a conversation, pretended it didn't happen. But as I did all these things, I felt my
self-esteem recoil as if it was lost then found then lost again. I felt low. I felt ugly, fat and stupid. It was then when my heart broke lose from the inhibiting force of my mind. It commanded every part of my body to act in accordance to what it was feeling. It pushed the tears out of
my eyes. It made my vocal chords create this deafening sound of pain and helplessness. Suddenly, I was faced with the nemesis again. But this time, I was up for war.

I talked to you and tried to gently reprove that "stare" you shared with that stranger - that stare you deemed as innocent but would be otherwise believed so by many. Surely enough, you defended your side and tried to make me realize what you considered as your logical approach to what happened, ergo, my illogical jealousy. But really, would you expect a sympathetic or tolerant attitude from a person whose heart and pride were torn? Did you think that logic would make me stop from crying? If any, your logic made me worse. It told me that I should quit crying. It ordered me to stop hurting. It told me that I do not have reasons to
feel the way I was feeling in the first place. Your logic made me seem illogical. Hence, the nemesis was justified. And I was left there feeling like a soldier who lost a battle she did not choose to be in. I was there liked a confused and helpless dreamer who suddenly found out
that she's trapped in a dream within a dream. And like that dreamer, I told myself, "Stop this, stop hurting, just wake up."

The nemesis at this point was talking to me. Should I give in and bargain? Or should I fight till the bitter end?

What was left of my pride was telling me that I should opt not to even go through battling against it - not now, not ever. It was telling me to walk away. But I knew, I'd never be able to walk away from it - not now, not ever. It is, to reiterate, inevitable.

I slept through that night and the next few nights contemplating. I cannot win. I cannot win alone.

The hurt is still with me now as I write this and it probably still will be the moment you read this. The nemesis will always be lurking around. I ask you to fight it with me. Think of me when it appears to you and remind yourself of our plans, our goals and our love. We are
stronger together.

No intensity of temptation will break us unless we permit it to.