011608

This is my attempt to cope.

Almost 12 hours since I dropped you off the airport and already I can feel it creeping in - slowly but surely. In constant intervals I find myself in a state where uber sadness and apathy seem to play tricks on me.

I went inside my room and thought of you instantly and how you peacefully slept on my bed during lazy days. I touched my bed hoping I could feel you. I smelled my sheets hoping that one of my senses at least, could delude me into believing that you're still here. I cried at that point of my search for you. I cried so hard I cried my way to sleep. When I woke up, I thought to myself, I'm going to be okay.

I prepared myself lunch and watched the early episodes of a korean series. I managed to smile - my first smile since this morning. I thought I was going to be okay. But I guess it was too early to say. I found myself crying again. I realized food and TV could have been better with you. The crying didn't stop until after a couple of minutes. And when it did, I decided to go out and write this.

Right now, I am busied by internet conversations with my friends. My eyes are dry and things seem to be okay. I know though that later, on my way home, I will be sulking again. I will realize how you held my hand and we laughed during most of our walks. And on my bed, I know I'll cry again.

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It's confusing how people say, "live life normally". It confuses me because I feel that the most normal way to live life right now is to cry for you...weep because we are (again) apart.