X-Men Origins

It has been 3 straight months. i have thought of the things i'd write about. i thought about one when i was waiting for my ride. I thought about another during the last April Fool's day. and then there's this one i thought of writing when I was in desperate need to calm down.


I have also been pestering people about writing blogs so I can further procratinate in writing one. I know I need to write. I know I need to express myself in ways only i will understand - where no one can make me...silent.


So today, I'll right about the most taboo topics - those that are best hidden, those very thoughts that hunt me during times when I find myself awake in odd hours of the night, those ones I'll probably regret writing about.


But I'll write them anyway. I deserve this. They deserve this.

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Unlucky namedropped ex #1: Jarreed


Of the many things I want to tell you, i don't know where to start. This could have been easy if all the things that went wrong started during the last days of our relationship. unfortunately, even the way we started out was wrong. This should have been easy if all the hurtful things I could write about are just the ones which happened near our fallout; but our relationship was already hurting me even when we still weren't together.


I want to let you know I've been trying to call you for the last couple of days. I want to be reminded again of how you have hurt me and how you can never ever change. I am starting to forget the hurt and am now starting to forgive. But I don't want to forget and I don't want to forgive.


I know that the best way to keep my heart safe from you is to hate you every time it beats.


I know that by me doing this, i am in the losing end. It's very sad that I hate you this much because I still love you with the same intensity.


Thank you for not answering your phone. Every unanswered ring corresponds to more reason why I should not regret being alone.

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Unlucky namedropped ex #2: Dax

*Yes, the bitter bastard. I can just hear jarreed say, "i told you so".


Of all the evil I have experienced in my life, the evil that I saw in you that night was that which I do not think I will be able to summon even from the darkest part of my being.


I taught myself to love you as a boyfriend and see pass the platonic feeling i have towards you. You promised me a love different from the ones I had - one that understands, one that doesn't intentionally hurt; one that is mature, one that is different from what i had with him. Who am I to say no to that?


And yes, I thought you were the one.


It was hurtful enough that you were leaving me. Saving your ass while leaving me is unacceptable. It was hurtful enough that you were trying to change me. Giving up on me while I was in the process of your requested change is downright fucked-up.


Congratulations Dax, you are now a Certified member of the majority of male species - selfish, immature, cowardly, challenge-seeking children of narcissus.


Here's to the "the Corrs".


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Unlucky namedropped ex #3: Reagan


You were my bestfriend for six years before we became a couple. Six years? long time. You cheated on me twice but even that did not give me enough reason to completely eliminate your memories. Maybe it was our friendship. Or maybe it was my God-given talent to forgive easily. Maybe I'm just too forgiving.


And yet, even when I had already forgiven you, and even if you ended up a happy man with a loving wife and kids while I remain to be in search of the sense to all these, you still kept that hatred in you, nurtured it so that it ended up with a life of its own - writing its own past, destroying its present and plotting an evil end in the future. How ironic it is that the culprit claims of suffering from the victim?


I gave you the exclusive privilege of getting my forgivenes even if you haven't asked for it. You are the only ex who has tremendously hurt me who i have not burnt bridges with. I still entitled you to see me smile. I gave you the chance to see me wave at you again and sincerely say Hi. And yet, you seem to want to remain in that bitterness.


Rot in there then and I hope your misplaced, prideful bitterness feeds you well.

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Unlucky namedropped ex #4: Romeo


Bring back the money you stole from my mom you sicko!



*To the EXes mentioned, I am now giving you the freedom to hate me too.