up, up and down

common.random.ordinary.

random girl was my mirc nick back when mirc was still cool. i was almost married to mr. ordinario. and the word i have always used to describe myself was common.

funny how the rest of the world thinks i am supergirlsimone when i personally think i am no more than a forgettable face, an ephemeral entity. perhaps it is because i have claimed to be supergirl and i have claimed it with passion that everybody started to believe it was so.

i don't know really. sometimes when you keep on telling yourself you are someone, you start to believe you really are. suddenly you're a dancer, a singer, a song-writer, someone who works three jobs, a responsible parent, a loving sister, a backpacker, a mountaineer, a writer, a photographer, a confidante, a bookworm, a movie critic, a teacher, a feeding program volunteer. all this.

and then suddenly reality kicks in and throws a somersault on you. and you're back to common, random, and ordinary again.

don't get me wrong. i am comfortable with myself. i'm not someone who gets insecure very often. i see people's disllike of me as a temporary ego check. we need a constant doze to keep our feet on the ground.

i'm not saying i'd rather be supergirl all the time. the whole supergirl stint is tiring. sometimes people even think that because i'm supergirl, they can hurt me and i won't mind. i'm also not saying that being common, random and ordinary is the best situation in the world for who wants to be faceless?

i'm saying i wish i can choose. i'm saying i wish fate would cooperate. i'm saying i wish fate would not drag me into becoming common, random and ordinary when i need to be supergirl. and i'm saying i wish fate would just let me throw the towel sometimes, become the scared 23-year old...give supergirl a rest.

now, i want to be both? can i be both?

can i be a common, random, ordinary supergirlsimone?