Goldfish remembers

(This is a Jarreed blog. When this guy and I broke up, I had too much pride that I never ever wanted him to know I was writing about him this way. I wrote this blog for myself one day and did not intend to publish it. Tonight though, that the pride is gone, I can only go back to these memories. No more bitterness. No more romance. Just memories.)

Do you still read my blogs, Jarreed? If you do, I want you to know, that this one, one day in the past, I wrote for you.

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05.03.2009


I remember...

You were the only kid I was intellectually interested in. You were the only boy who ever beat me in academic performance. Back then, it was me, you, sidney and joy. It seemed like all the others were just fleeting personalities in case any one of us four slips. The proud achiever that I was, I was academically-secure...except with you.

I remember...

You were the brilliant kid who was also irritatingly playful. I think what attracted me to you was the fact that you were brilliant without even trying. And yes, you are my first love.

I remember...

We were in third grade. It was still the time when girls would hate boys and vice-versa. We had to conform with the norms. As a matter of fact, I conformed so gracefully that i managed to beat you up one time. I have always been that tough.

I remember...

We met during Sundays in the arcades and exchanged game tokens. It was Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles that I have always busied myself with.

I remember...

The rain poured one Sunday and I couldn't make it to our rendezvous. I came the next Sunday but you weren't there. The next Sunday came and still no sign of you. The next time I saw you was through a computer, 9-10 years later.

I remember...

I remember you.

Assholeness

("hahahaha" was what came out of my mouth when I finished reading this blog. I literally syllabicated how I said, Ha.ha.ha.ha. Because of the date, I know exactly who I was referring to when I wrote this blog. I could edit the entry so it does not go against grammar, capitalization and punctuation guidelines but I'm afraid that will only meddle with the sincerity of this entry. Obviously, I wrote this while totally pissed off with someone such that I didn't care what AND HOW to write, anymore. Of course, these are just my rantings - selfish and one-way.

It's ironic that this is the writing of a then pissed-off girl who probably didn't think then that the same writing she was writing with so much hatred would one night, make her say..."hahahaha")
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5.17.09


i know pretty well that if I write this now, I'll probably end up with a hate letter generally addressed to everybody and nobody at the same time.

It's 5am on a Monday morning. I have a call time in Batangas at 10. I have to drop by the office to pick some stuff up. i should not be writing this.

This is one of those times i am not my forgiving self; this is when I will not justify your actions for you. Of all of them, you are the sickest. You hide behind your seemingly strength and wave indifference like a winning trophy. At least I have the decency to fake depression. You though, and your inconsiderate ass, walks around as if with great pride, for the most stupid decision of your life. Well at least someday you'll be one of the many who'll live up to the whole "learn from your mistakes" melodrama. And I'm telling you, You will.

This is not a competition you prick! Nobody will give you brownie points for being apathetic. Unless of course ,you think that by breaking my heart, you reemphasize your machismo. Sick, if you ask me. But I have to give it to you, very clever. You victimize the easiest girl to lure and promise her unconditional love to top your flourishing achievements just to lure more.

Your games will not work this time though. You will lose in your every attempt to show off. all you are to me now is a hypocrite trying to hide in the shadows of his accomplishments. You are not a friend, neither a lover. You are just one of those faces I will think of unintentionally in some days while in a DEXTER tv series marathon.

One day all your friends will get married and you'll lose your shin. What will become of you is the true question.

I write this to document your ASSHOLENESS.

half an arsehole

(Again, a drafted entry I never published, until now. I don't remember who I was referring to when I wrote this but I'm really amused. I mean, it's one truthful piece of writing, you must admit. It summarizes a lot of things and applies to a lot, as well. This actually made me smile.)

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07.07.09

This is an open letter to all you fucking bastards.


Dear you,

There's no such thing as half an asshole.

Bye. 

Christmas Day

(This is a very old blog that has been stuck in my drafts for too long. How it was written is not anymore that which gives it beauty, if it does, at all. It's the time it has remained unpublished that makes it interesting and the feelings that have unearthed tonight that made me finally post it. There's really a time for everything. And tonight is this blog's night. I remember you tonight, JC.)
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In my past life, I was a singer. And in my past life, was that Christmas.

I sang in a church, belting an alto. I was with a group of talented singers, young and old. I couldn't believe I even passed the audition.

And you were there. I didn't know you were. The audience started applauding. One of the cheers had a familiar tone of voice. It was you.

In my past life, I was with you. And that was the best life I had.