The Beginning of the End

You probably already know this…

…if you are a person I trust.
…if you are a person I share my problems with.
…if you are sensitive enough to listen to the things I’m not saying.
…if you are keen enough to have an idea of my feelings.
…if you are observant enough to see my capabilities.
…if you are patient enough to see what bothers me.

You probably already know this…

…if you are wise enough to determine what I don't deserve...

...but stupid enough to give me less of what I do.

I am resigning. You probably didn’t know didn’t you?

Of Andres, Heddas and Patricia Espeletas

Subject #1: Andre
Boy next door. Nice smile. Very hardworking. Good work habits. Well-spoken. Responsible.

Subject #2: Hedda
Cute. Youch achiever. Amibitious in a good way. Organized. Rsponsible. Aproachable.

Subject #3: Patricia
Stunning. Aloof aura but friendly really. silent. nice smile. dedicated. responsible.

What's their common ground?

This sting I feel whenever I see them.

The bitterbastard says that it's just me being an elitist and being insecure. I want to be their friend but I'm not so I'm frustrated. He says it's the same phenomenon when you want a specific status and you hate the people who are currently in that status. He says that I hate them because I can't seem to fit in. I hate them because I want to be like them. Oh well, you know the bitter bastard. He wasn't called by that name for nothing.

Let me end this random blog by saying that the people I mentioned above are incredible. Sometimes, I am just a hyprocritical bitch. Yes, I hate myself sometimes too.

The Fling Sting

I recently came across a person I thought I would never see again. It was weird seeing him knowing that the chance of us bumping into each other again is close to impossible and that if that once in a million chance ever happens, it may be the last.

I saw MEllowYellow again. It hurt me a little bit looking at him because he reminded me of my infidelity. He reminded me of a past I am not proud of. And because it hurt me seeing him, I ended up even more hurt.

I really don't know how I affected him, if at all. I don't know what I meant in his life.I don't know if he ever made me a part of it or if I was just what I considered him to be - nothing more than a fling.

It hurts to feel hurt remembering good moments with somebody. It hurts that you cant even remininse happy memories because those memories should not have happened in the first place. You weren't supposed to be happy with him. I wasn't supposed to be happy with him - or with anybody else.

This is the irony of infidelity. You try to be with other people to be happier but in the end, are you really?

To MellowYellow, I know it may be too late now and you might not care anymore, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I may not smile when I see you. I'm sorry because I may not be able to separate your kindness from that selfish stint of infidelity I did. I'm sorry because I may not be able to see you as you but as you being that "other" guy. Whenever I see you, I'll see me; I'll see me hurting the people I loved.

That Melodrama

I know how hard it is to have a girlfriend like me.

I know because I, too, am having a hard time having me as “me”.

I know how I can be one of the pain points of your life sometimes.

I know because most of the time I end up hurting myself too.

I know how difficult loving me is.

I know because I don’t even know how to start loving myself.

I know that I can be the most selfish, most impatient, most childish girl you’ll ever know. And I know I have already been all those to you.

I know because I have stripped myself of all pretensions and masks I used to get social acceptance when I loved you. And that I could never be this real to anyone else but you.


I’m sorry if my imperfections sometimes get in the way. Sometimes, in the world of a girl who had the whole of her family, friends and even strangers in constant watch, she finds solace in the place she could be imperfect for even once in her life.


I want Californian maki and green iced tea now please?