about the girl

Have you ever looked at a person...study that person's face and then try to pinpoint where and when you've met this same person coz she freakin' looks familiar and then eventually you give up coz you're not quite up to dig the deep pit of your bad memory and then one day you look at your face in the mirror...and my God...you look like her!?

I'm telling you, it's scary!

And then after a while you finally get over the fact that somebody looks like you and then you check your friendster and then it's her again. You tell yourself, "hmm...i wonder what's up with this girl?" And so you browse through her blogs and her profile and then...o my God! It's that instant feeling of shock that's somehow pushing you to say..."really? Come on!" Geezzz...I found out that she likes Sidney Sheldon and that her star sign is libra and that she sings, dances and plays the guitar. I found out that she liked pink too. And yeah, she writes a lot as well. Is that freaky or what? I mean, she's just like my twin of some sort. Ionno, but it's scaring me. I actually want to ask her personally about her family tree just so i'll have a logical reason why we're so similar.

Anyway, I don't know if she realizes these things.

If you happen to bump into her in the PHAN building or anywhere in UP, do me a favor, don't stare at her ok? She has already enough eyes observing her. hehehe!

Clueless

i flunked the law exam.

It's weird. I didn't know it could hurt this much. When I heard the results from a friend and she said i didn't make it, a blurry picture of my future suddenly occured to me. Blurry, unsure, insecure. I'm suddenly drowned with these thoughts that seemed to exhaust all the energy I have at that moment. Where would I go? What would become of me now? Would I still make it? I actually don't have any answer to any of these questions. All i know is that I'm here...now...unable to move...unable to picture a successful and happy life in the future.

What now bang? What's plan B?

The things i wanted to say last summer 2003

Strike 1: for leaving me clueless of your feelings

Strike 2: for not knowing that you're leaving me clueless of your feelings

Strike 3: for doing all those things for me before and then saying that you just wanted to have many friends.

You're out.

a logical claim that is illogically causing me anxiety disorders

Ok, i had the bad vibes out. Let's turn to the next subject.

Forgiveness.

A friend once said, "you have to separate the doer from the wrong doing." That kinda hit me hard.

I always hated people who reprimand me if i am not able to forgive. I say, my inability to forgive is a result of the wrong doings of others. I say, it's just a reaction to their mistakes. There would be no reaction if there wasn't any mistake done. This inability to forgive would not have been an inability if the wrong has not been done in the first place.

hmm..let's see. Separate the doer from the wrong doing? Help me on this guys, the wrong doing would not have hurt anybody if it had not been for the doer right? The wrong doing would have been nonexistent if it had not been for this individual who have chosen to do it...Am i making sense? My logic-meter says yes, i am making sense.

My friend told me to separate the doer from the wrong doing so i can forgive. Honestly, upon reflecting on what he said, i learned to hate the doer more.

Exaggerate this!

i've lots to say today...

Let's start with those little happenings of my life that have affected me in a way i never expected it to affect me.

i hate my ex...as in really hate my ex...as in exaggerate the word HATE!

People say that i feel this way for him coz i'm not over him yet. I say they're totally wrong...As in totally wrong...as in exaggerate the word WRONG!

i hate him coz he's freakin' insensitive. He acts like some desperate guy who craves for attention. He acts like i have wronged him when in fact, he's the one who keeps on doing these super annoying things. He courts my bestfriend and my bestfriend's cousin and then he invites me to hang out with friends. And the nerve, he shows up with this girl whom he allegedly had a relationship with while we were still together. and then he talks about crap in our yahoo group like some kind of uneducated loser.

I hate to say this but i regret being with him. I mean, sure, they say that you learn from the past, thus, you shouldn't regret anything, but everytime I see his email posts, i just can't help it. It's like I wanna puke every memory i have of him. Sounds cruel huh? well, i'd be more than willing to send you his emails and for sure, you'd agree with me.


I hate him. Exaggerate HATE! And yes, i'm over him already. Exaggerate OVER already!

And yeah, if you're reading this right now,(my ex I mean), I want you to know that I'm exagerratedly wanting you to just pooof...disappear! Stop reading my blog!

.

Silence doesn't mean that one doesn't exist.

Sometimes, it means patience, the humble attempt to control the urge of practically strangling a person through words whose profound meanings only a few people can understand.

Silence sometimes means giving this person the attention that he deserves, none.

Silence sometimes stands for apathy or even the mute response of the disheartened.

As for me, silence is a by-product of my busy schedule, of my thesis, of the incomparable stress of academic life. Silence is a result of my priorities, of what I think is more important above other things. Silence is my response to the complexities of my life now.

If your idea of existence rests on frequent emails and regular posts, then by all means, call me nonexistent.

Only true friends understand that friendship need not be based on tangibility, whether it's over the internet or on the phone or even in SMS. Friends need not say all the time that they remember each other. Friends need not send emails frequently just to let each other know of their care and yes, of their existence as well. They don't need these things. Because they already know.

Thanks to those true friends who understood and who always understand. It's inspiring to know that our friendship is of a stronger base. Rest assured that after I settle all of my work in school, I'd be back in mainstream again.I'd be back that even those who think wrongly of me will know that I still exist, that even those who reprimand my not being able to contact them will swallow their shallow definition of existence and of friendship.

I have spoken not to disprove your claims nor your judgement of me.

I have spoken because silence sometimes isn't loud enough.


PERIOD!

Shivers

I don't know what it is about cold nights but everytime I go to bed and feel the chills of the night breeze, something in my heart seems to ache. Maybe it's something about wanting to be warm and wanting to have this feeling of being close with this being whose sole purpose is to rescue you from this depressing cold of the night. hmmm...Right now, that's the most profound reason I have why I hate cold nights. I don't know if I'm just making it up or if it's the real thing...but for now... it'll do.